Even at 35, I can still sense the silence Adam left behind when he left our life when I was 23. There was no last discussion. Don’t apologize. As I alternated between cuddling our newborn triplets, I could only hear the hospital door closing behind him. I was completely alone, patched, and stunned.
Even holding all three at once was impossible for me. Ashton had just been brought to me by a nurse, Andy was sobbing in a bassinet, and Amara was on my chest.
Even though my body was in ruins and my mind was clouded by anxiety and medications, I continued to stare at Adam, hoping for the steady smile he had maintained throughout my pregnancy.
“We’ve got this,” said the one.
I simply saw terror instead.
He avoided looking at me and whispered, “I — I need some air, Allison,” “Just a minute.”
An hour passed after that minute, and then two hours. Two days after that.
They were preparing my discharge documents. I had wanted to get the three babies out of the germy hospital as soon as possible, but they had all been perfectly OK. Three nurses, each with a kind grin and a sympathetic look, were snuggled up with the newborns.
Adam, too?
Oh, he never returned.
Two days later, with my arms full of infants and my chest hollowed out by a panic I didn’t know was possible, I left the hospital by myself. The automobile had been taken by Adam. I trusted him when he claimed he would return immediately.
I waited. When no one was there, I rocked, nursed, and sobbed softly. However, he never came back. I simply nodded and grabbed my phone when the nurse asked again whether someone would be picking us up.
When the taxi service came, I had no idea what I was saying. I believe I muttered that I needed a van. I was told it would take twenty-five minutes. With three small infants nestled into carrier seats that the nurses assisted me in fastening, I sat in the hospital lobby.
I made an effort to appear composed, capable, and like someone who had a plan all along rather than a lady with three children who was about to lose it.
However, I didn’t.
The cabbie was courteous. When he noticed my condition, he didn’t inquire. Without saying anything, he simply assisted me in loading the babies and shut off the radio. Except for Amara’s gentle whimpers from the back seat and Andy’s constant kicking on the carrier’s edge as if he already wanted to get out, the ride was quiet.
I couldn’t stop staring out the window, almost expecting to see Adam rushing up next to the car, panting and apologetic.
He didn’t.
The light I had left on in the living room two nights prior was still glowing when we arrived at our apartment. With three infants dozing in their carriers next to me, I opened the door and stood there for a while, wondering how I was going to enter that apartment and act like it was still my own.
They and I both cried uncontrollably that first night. Newborn cries filled the apartment, and I thought the walls were collapsing. I tried nursing, but my milk wasn’t quite ready.
It didn’t feel natural. The babies needed more than I could provide, and my body was heavy and hurting. Holding two bottles at once, one on each side, I warmed them while the bouncer, who seemed to realize he had been dealt a short straw, sobbed.
Adrenaline and instinct drove my actions. Sleep turned into an expensive luxury. Between feedings, I sobbed in the dark, and when the sobs continued, mine joined theirs like an uncontrollable background music.
The days began to mix together, and I found myself keeping an eye on the clock—not for relaxation, but for survival.
I ceased taking phone calls. There was nothing I could say. Even daylight felt terrible, so I stopped pulling the curtains.
One evening, when Ashton was wriggling in his crib and the twins had finally dozed off on my chest, I reached for my phone. I couldn’t even recall calling out Greg’s name. All I wanted was someone to listen to my breathing. Adam’s best friend was Greg.
When he answered, my voice broke.
Saying “I’m sorry,” “I didn’t know who else to call.”
Gently, he said, “Allison?” “What’s happening?” “Are you alright?”
“I am unable to… I have no idea how to proceed. Not even bottles can keep up with me. It’s been days since I slept. Other than dry cereal, I haven’t eaten anything. Assist me.”
“I’m coming over,” was all he said.
“Greg, you don’t have to —” “I said.” “I’m all right. I only had a brief moment.”
His words were, “Alli, I want to,”
When I answered the door thirty minutes later, he was standing there with a brown paper grocery bag in one hand and a huge bag of diapers in the other. He appeared a little uncertain, as if I may advise him to go.
Rather, I moved aside to let him in.
“You’re here… You’re actually here,” I said.
He said, “I meant it,” and nodded. “You don’t have to do this alone.”
I pondered whether he knew Adam’s location.
I must have appeared torn. It had been two days since my last shower. Formula had crusted my shirt. However, none of that even caused Greg to respond.
He intervened and said, “Who’s hungry?” “Who wants Uncle Greg?”
“Ashton,” was my response. “But he just wanted to be held.”
Greg answered, “Then that’s what we’ll do,” as he put the luggage down and moved for the bassinet.
And I let out a breath for the first time in days.
Greg didn’t inquire about Adam’s location. He didn’t linger or feel sorry for me. He simply put on his work boots and went to work. He folded laundry that had been in the hamper for days, he took out the garbage, and he fed the babies.
Without a comment, he even brought in my mail and sorted through the bills.
“Go and take a shower, Alli,” he advised her. “I’m here.”
We took turns giving him late-night feedings while he slept on the couch. With a triplet balanced on one hip, Greg learnt how to warm bottles as if he had been doing it all his life.
Perhaps a week or two after he began visiting frequently, I sat next to him on the couch one evening while two of the infants rested in the bedroom. My baby would only fall asleep if he was on Greg’s chest, and Ashton appeared to like Greg.
Whispering, “You don’t have to keep showing up like this,”
“I know,” he informed me with a smile.
When I said, “I’m serious, Greg,” “You didn’t sign up for this.”
According to him, “Neither did you, Alli,” as he squeezed my knee. “But here we are.”
I didn’t think he would stay. Every night I reminded myself that he was just here because of responsibility or guilt and that this was only a temporary situation. But he returned time and time again. He cooked, cleaned the flat, looked after the babies, and made me feel like a person.
I made an effort not to rely on him. It would hurt harder when he departed, so I promised myself not to rely on anyone. However, I was listening to the door for the extra set of keys.
Soon after, I started to observe how my body relaxed as he entered.
And I heard Greg humming sweetly to Amara one night while I was sitting on the toilet floor sobbing into a towel, my chest constricted with fear and my nerves strained.
My mother used to sing me the same lullaby.
I dropped my guard at that point. I let love in once more at that point.
It wasn’t quick or ostentatious. It was real, steady, and full of intentional choices. Greg picked all four of us each and every day.
He proposed when my triplets turned four. We were married in a simple ceremony in the backyard, with string lights and the laughing of three children who had already begun referring to him as “Dad.”
We didn’t talk much about Adam, but Greg never made an effort to forget him. Rather, Jesus just recreated our lives from the inside out, filling the gap left by Adam.
I returned to school, earned my degree, and advanced in a modest family law practice. We purchased a small home in a peaceful area when the time was right. Each child flourished in their own unique, erratic manner.
Then, twelve years after the day Adam disappeared, he returned.
I was running late to a client meeting on a wet Thursday afternoon. I almost ran into someone near the counter when I ducked into a coffee shop for a quick espresso to warm up.
As I looked up and half-apologized, I noticed that my umbrella was dripping water onto the ground.
“Allison?”
I was frozen in my tracks by that voice. Even before I saw his face, I knew it was him.
Adam.
He was elderly, unshaven, and haggard. He appeared to have borrowed his coat, since it draped clumsily off his body. The three kids developing inside of me, however, and his eyes—those identical gray-blue eyes that had vowed he would never leave me—were undeniable.
I was immobile for a moment. My chest tightened every breath.
“Adam?” Uncertain if I was talking to a man or a ghost, I spoke slowly.
“Now that you’re here,” he added, looking around and adjusting his weight, “I need your help.”
I exclaimed, “You’ve got to be kidding me,” as my heart began to race. “How were you aware that I would be here? Adam, are you following me?”
“Listen to me. Please. Alli, I’ve been looking for you.”
I questioned, “Why?” My skin pricked.
He said, “I need your help,” once again. “I didn’t know who else to turn to.”
“Unbelievable,” I remarked as I stepped back.
“Please just listen to me,” he urged. “If I weren’t desperate, I wouldn’t be here. Alli, this is fate! Although I didn’t anticipate seeing you here today, destiny has reunited us.”
Then it struck me — forcefully. I had buried that recollection deep under years of survival and tiredness. The ultrasonography. My tummy was covered in that frigid gel. Gorgeous pandemonium flickered over the screen.
The technician had replied, “It’s triplets,” in a soft yet startled voice.
I recall wiping away my tears, not knowing if I should laugh or cry.
Adam had squeezed my hand and remarked, “We can do this, Alli,” “I’ve got you. I possess them. We have three little loves from fate.”
Staring at the man who had vowed to stay before running away, I brought myself back to the present.
I said, “You disappeared,” with every word full of meaning. “You vanished after I gave birth to your children. You’re not allowed to feel desperate right now.”
“I was 23,” he explained, raising his voice. “Allison, I felt afraid. Triplets? I had no idea how to respond to that. I was having trouble breathing.”
“And you think I could?!” My voice broke. “I had three newborns when you left me. I was spared panic. I have to be there for my children.”
He rubbed his jaw and looked down.
“Well, I need $5,000.”
“What?” Stunned by his boldness, I asked. “Why in the world do you require so much? Why are you asking me, too?”
“I’ve got debts,” he muttered, now hardly audible. “It’s serious. I might end up in serious trouble. If I had another way, I wouldn’t ask.”
“You really think you can just show up 12 years later and ask me for money?” With my heart racing, I took a step back. “You didn’t even have the decency to show up at my home and see my children, Adam.”
He said, “I wouldn’t if I wasn’t desperate,” disregarding everything else.
“Adam, you have no idea what the word means. All you are is a coward.”
I turned and walked away. I almost dropped my phone when calling Greg since my hands were shaking so much. Adam had put something on my windshield, but he was gone by the time he pulled into the parking lot. The fact that the rain had ceased and the paper had not been turned to pulp was a miracle.
“I’ll be honest about what actually transpired that evening if you don’t pay me. Regarding our conclusion. Allison, you don’t want people to dig.”
Greg climbed into my car and looked up, his face white.
“Do you think he’s serious?” I took my husband’s hand and requested.
At first, Greg remained silent. He had rigid shoulders. At his sides, I saw his fingers lock into fists.
He remarked, “He’s bluffing,” “And even if he’s not, we’re not paying him a damn thing.”
I could see the rage in his body, even if his voice was quiet and controlled. After running a hand through his hair, he took out his phone and tapped the screen after letting his thumb hover for a moment.
“We’ll be visiting the police. You are a driver. Later, I’ll pick up my automobile.”
The back of my neck tingled as I nodded.
“What if it’s not just about the money?” Silently, I said. “What if he makes an attempt to… change history? Make it appear as though it wasn’t.”
Greg responded, “Let him try,” his face softening.
“You’re not worried?” I inquired. “Are you sure?”
His words, “Baby, I’m not worried,” “I am enraged. But, Allison, we’ve spent twelve years living in the reality. We have only shown love and honesty to those children. We will confront him if he chooses to fabricate stories. Together.”
It was taken quite seriously by the officer with whom we spoke. An extortion attempt wouldn’t be disregarded because Adam already had a little criminal record, primarily from petty crimes rather than anything more significant.
They promised to follow up, collected our statement, and saved the letter he left.
They eventually got in touch with him and took him into custody a week later. We were summoned in, and it was over in a flash.
When we entered, Adam had a second officer on either side of him. He had chained hands. His gaze briefly shifted in my direction before settling on Greg. He sneered.
Adam whispered, “Well, look who finally showed up,”
“You really want to go there?” Greg bent over.
“I’m just saying,” Adam said with a shrug. It’s funny because even in those days, you were constantly present. Always willing to lend Allison a hand. Do you believe I missed it?
A hand was raised by the officer, saying, “This isn’t the time —”
I said, “No, let him talk,” “I want to know what he wanted to tell everyone…”
“Are you curious about what I intended to say? Alright. It’s here,” Adam grinned.
I caught his attention.
“You were already dating Greg. That’s the tale. I left for that reason. since I discovered that the infants weren’t mine. Do you suppose anyone will inquire? You married and brought them up together. It builds up. Allison, you were the one who cheated. That was the tale.”
The dirty, lingering remarks hovered in the room like cigarette smoke.
Greg remarked, “You left her in a hospital bed, Adam,” “With three babies that have just been born. And now you wish to change the narrative so that you are the victim?”
“You don’t think anyone will believe it?” Adam’s lip twisted as he added, “You married her.”
Then we left.
Greg and I made the decision to keep Adam’s return a secret from the triplets. They are now nearly teenagers. Amara’s bedroom walls are covered in color since she is constantly painting. Now that he’s taller than me, Andy’s cunning smile makes me giggle every single day. Despite pushing all of our boundaries, Ashton is always the first to offer his siblings a hug when they’re distressed.
They are aware that Adam departed and that he did so voluntarily. More significantly, though, they understand what it means to stay.
Greg gave them everything, even if Adam gave them life.
Ultimately, I discovered that those that stick around do. And occasionally, the worst thing that has ever occurred to you is what made your life work out perfectly.
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