The relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren is a sacred and special bond. However, an overbearing mother-in-law can cause disruption within a household and setting boundaries may be necessary to keep things running smoothly.
An overbearing mother-in-law is facing some heat online after sharing her decision to buy her 6-year-old granddaughter contact lenses. Purportedly, she didn’t like the glasses that were prescribed for the young girl. Instead, she felt the girl’s new glasses made her look like “an old woman.” As a result, she decided to take matters into her own hands.
The Internet Comments in the Overbearing Mother-in-Law
Unsurprisingly, the internet happily pointed out her mistake. One user commented: “Shame on you Grandma. It’s hard enough for kids to accept that they have to wear glasses but what Grandma would say her beautiful granddaughter looks like an old woman. She looks beautiful.”
“She is your DIL’s child , her choice . I actually think she looks lovely,” another said about the overbearing mother-in-law.
“They typically do not prescribe them for children her age. And, why don’t you let your son and his wife take care of their daughter?” A third person commented. “If you can’t say something nice about how precious she looks in those glasses, say nothing at all!!!”
Setting Boundaries with your Overbearing Mother-in-Law
Not every grandparent is overbearing or disregards family rules but this story is one of many that note the importance of setting boundaries with an overbearing mother-in-law. In some cases, an overbearing mother-in-law doesn’t just interrupt the flow of a home, she can also cause detriment to the family’s mental, emotional, or physical wellbeing. Here are some examples of when an overbearing mother-in-law crosses the threshold into toxicity.
An overbearing mother-in-law is likely always meddling and gossiping. For example, she’s constantly interfering with your relationship or spreading your personal life around to other family members or friends.
She’s critical and makes you feel inferior
An overbearing mother-in-law offers her advice and input even if it wasn’t asked for. Alternatively, she might make small comments about how she would do things differently or doesn’t approve of your decisions.
Read More: 10 Toxic Phrases Every Gaslighter Uses
She’s negative and complains often
Another example of a toxic or overbearing mother-in-law is one who never sees the good in any situation, according to Marriage.com. She may never approve of the accommodations you made to welcome her into your home. No matter what you do, you’ll likely never feel like you’re good enough.
Unfortunately, most people have difficulty addressing boundaries and may even avoid doing so. However, addressing boundaries is essential for maintaining a harmonious home and can be done in a way that’s gentle and comfortable.
Try to Understand an Overbearing Mother-in-Law
One way to tackle the challenges of an overbearing mother-in-law is to try to understand where she’s coming from and what she’s motivated by. In most cases, she, like you, just wants what’s best for the family. However, she’s human and is likely to make some mistakes. As such, take a moment to breathe and remind yourself that her overbearing behavior isn’t a reflection of you or your ability to be a parent.
Avoid your overbearing mother-in-law
While it’s not always possible to avoid each other, minimizing the time you spend with your overbearing mother in law can help prevent you from feeling the negative effects of her presence. Choosing therapy.com suggests making an excuse to run errands or clean another part of the house if she shows up unannounced or unexpectedly.
Read More: 25 Signs Your Mother May Be a Toxic Person
Keep Your Cool
It might be easy, even tempting, to lash out at an overbearing mother-in-law but it’s important to maintain a level of respect for her that prevents you from saying anything bad about her, particularly in front of your partner or children. Instead, try journaling your thoughts and feelings or confide in a friend or member of your side of the family, out of earshot of anyone in your home.
Let Go of Resentment
It’s easy to get swept up in the frustration of being around an overbearing mother-in-law and start to resent the circumstances of her. However, tackling the situation with a sense of internal peace and acceptance of who she is will help prevent you from becoming bitter or angry by her presence. Take note of your physical stance when she’s around such as a clenched jaw or balled fists. Next, take a few breaths and try to focus on something good, like something you do enjoy or appreciate about her.
Learn her patterns and behaviors
Although you aren’t necessarily psychic, most people are consistently who they are. As such, you might be able to easily track when she may have a complaint coming, what it is that set it off, and how to remove it from the equation in the future.
Speak with others
An overbearing mother-in-law may become dramatic and dishonest about how she was treated if she’s spiteful or overly sensitive. One way to make sure your point is heard loud and clear to have a conversation in the presence of your partner or hers, to offer a buffer and be a person who can offer clarity or a reminder to be calm and receptive.
Lastly, let go of the need to please
If your overbearing mother-in-law always has something negative to say about how you are as a parent or spouse, then you’ll probably find life more enjoyable if you just do things your way and stop driving yourself crazy to please her. You’ll find more inner peace and might be less on edge every time she comes around.
