Golden Years Humor: 7 Jokes about Grandmas and Grandpas

Here are some delightful stories that highlight the humor and love that comes with living a long and interesting life. Good luck getting through this without laughing!

1. Dear Old George’s Annual Check-Up

Without fail, George went for his annual check-up every year. He prided himself on staying fit and healthy by going on walks in the neighborhood, though age had taken its toll on his eyesight.

After his check-up, George sat and chattered with his doctor, proudly telling Dr. Stephens about his latest discovery.

“Doc, I’m blessed,” he said. “God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I’m done!”

The doctor chuckled, but a nagging curiosity led him to call George’s wife later that day.

“Maria,” he said. “Your husband’s test results are just fine. But he said something strange! He claims that God turns the lights on and off for him when he uses the bathroom at night.”

George’s wife laughed out loud.

“That old fool! He’s been peeing in the refrigerator again! I thought it was the dog!”

2. The Mischievous Grandmas on a Bench

Three mischievous grandmas were sitting on a bench outside of their nursing home, laughing their heads off like giggling girls.

“Now, now, ladies,” a nurse said, walking past them. “You need to get your sunshine time before tea. And behave!”

Her words only set them off again. Soon, they spotted an old man walking by and decided to have a bit of fun with him.

“We bet we can tell exactly how old you are,” one of the grandmas yelled out at him.

The old man scoffed.

“There’s no way that you can guess it, you three old fools.”

“Sure we can!” another grandma insisted. “Just drop your pants and we can tell your exact age!”

“What?” he exclaimed.

Embarrassed but intrigued, the old man dropped his pants, the sunlight shining on his bottom.

The grandmas stared and whispered among themselves. And then said in unison, “You’re 91 years old!”

“How in the world did you guess?” the old man asked, shocked.

The grandmas snickered and replied,

“Because we were at your birthday party yesterday!” one grandma said as the other two collapsed into giggles again.

3. Grandpa Turns 100!

At Grandpa’s 100th birthday celebration, everyone marveled at how athletic and lean he looked.

“What’s your secret, Derek?” a guest asked.

“I’ll tell you,” Grandpa said, taking a forkful of cake. “I’ve been in the open air, day after day for some 75 years now.”

The crowd gasped.

“How did you keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?” someone asked.

“Well,” Grandpa began with a twinkle in his eye as he looked to Gran. “My wife and I made a pledge on our wedding night. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was wrong would go outside and take a walk!”

4. William and Kevin’s Adventure at the Supermarket

In the supermarket, a woman watched a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson with growing admiration. The child screamed for sweets and biscuits, yet the grandad remained calm.

“Easy, William, we won’t be long… easy boy,” he said soothingly.

At the checkout, the chaos continued.

The little terror of a child threw items out of the trolley, but the grandad’s composure never wavered.

“William, William, relax buddy. Don’t get upset. Don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes. Stay cool, William. Keep your cool, William.”

Outside, the woman approached the grandfather.

“I know it’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there! William is very lucky to have you as his grandad.”

The old man smiled widely and then chuckled.

“Thanks, but I am William. This little guy’s name is Kevin!”

5. The Forgetful Sisters

Three elderly sisters aged 82, 84, and 86 lived together.

One night, the 86-year-old drew a bath. She put her foot in and then paused.

After a few moments, she yelled down the stairs.

“Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 84-year-old yelled back.

“I don’t know. I’ll come up and see,” she said.

She started walking up the stairs and paused.

“Was I going up the stairs or down?”

Finally, the 82-year-old, sitting at the kitchen table having tea, shook her head.

“I sure hope I never get that forgetful,” she said.

She knocked on wood for good measure and then yelled.

“I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

6. Grandpa’s Missing Teeth

Grandma and Grandpa sat in their porch rockers, watching the sunset and reminiscing about the good old days.

“Honey, do you remember when we first started dating, and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?” Grandma asked.

Grandpa smiled and took her aged hand in his.

With a wry smile, Grandma pressed further.

“Do you remember how after we were engaged, you’d sometimes lean over and kiss me on the cheek?”

Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.

Growing bolder still, Grandma said, “Do you remember how, after we were first married, you’d nibble on my ear?”

Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house.

Alarmed, Grandma asked, “Honey, where are you going?”

“To get my teeth!” Grandpa replied.

7. The Card Game Memory Lapse

Two elderly ladies who were friends for decades met several times a week to play cards.

One day, during a game, one lady looked at the other, squinting.

“Now, don’t get mad at me. I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I just can’t remember it. Please, tell me what it is.”

Her friend glared at her for a few minutes before returning with a sheepish smile.

“How soon do you need to know?” she asked.

These stories remind us that grandparents, with their decades of life, thousands of memories, and laughter to last a lifetime, are invaluable. They teach us lessons in the most unexpected ways, and their humor, often unintentional, keeps us smiling.

Whether it’s through their forgetfulness or their unique approach to life’s challenges, grandparents show us that aging gracefully includes plenty of room for laughter.

Did you enjoy this story?

Now, look on the other end of the spectrum, where children leave us in stitches |

8 Jokes about Kids That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Think adults have all the answers? Think again! Dive into the laugh-out-loud world of these mischievous little masterminds who turn simple moments into hysterical stories that will leave you in stitches!

Welcome to a collection of jokes that only kids could inspire. These pint-sized comedians have a knack for turning the simplest moments into laugh-out-loud stories. So, sit back, relax, and get ready to chuckle at these little mischief-makers and their hilarious escapades!

Joke 1: Timmy’s Secret Weapon

Kids these days. They think they know everything. Like this little scamp, Timmy. He decided to test his theory on adults. Let’s see how that went.

Timmy had heard the playground rumor: adults had a secret weakness and were easily manipulated. Armed with this groundbreaking intel, he decided to put it to the test.

He sidled up to his Mom, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Mom, I know everything,” he declared dramatically.

His Mom simply hushed him and slipped him $10. “Don’t tell Dad,” she whispered conspiratorially.

Timmy’s tiny mind was blown. This was easier than stealing cookies from the cookie jar!

When Dad got home, Timmy repeated his profound statement. “Dad, I know everything.”

Dad, clearly impressed by this sudden burst of omniscience, handed over $100. “Hush, don’t tell your Mom,” he instructed.

Riding high on his newfound wealth, Timmy was feeling invincible. Then the mailman arrived. With the same confidence, Timmy greeted him with, “I know everything, mister.”

The mailman’s eyes widened in shock. He dropped the mail, tears welling up. “Well then, Timmy,” he said solemnly, “come give Daddy a hug.”

Joke 2: Tommy’s Whispering Lesson

Kids, huh? They’re always learning something new, even if it’s not exactly what you meant to teach them. Like little Tommy here. He learned a valuable lesson about communication, or so his mom thought.

Tommy’s mom Kate was having a particularly rough day when a public announcement of his bladder’s urgency echoed through the supermarket’s cereal aisle. “Mommy, I want to pee!”

The disapproving glares of fellow shoppers were almost as painful as the embarrassment that was turning Kate’s face into a human stop sign.

She quickly hushed Tommy and instructed, “Listen, Tommy, please don’t say that word again. Next time you need to use the toilet, just tell me you have to whisper.”

Tommy nodded solemnly like a tiny, serious owl.

A few days later, Tommy found himself on a fishing trip with his Grandpa. The tranquility of the lake was rudely interrupted when Tommy leaned over and said in a hushed voice, “Grandpa, I need to whisper.”

Grandpa, clearly caught off guard by this sudden intimacy, replied, “Alright, Tommy, come closer and whisper in my ear.”

Joke 3: Billy, the Closet Entrepreneur

Kids are little entrepreneurs, aren’t they? Especially when they accidentally stumble upon a goldmine. Like young Billy here. His business acumen is nothing short of impressive, or so his dad thought.

Billy’s mom Sarah had a secret lover who visited during the day while his dad was at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet one day.

When her husband unexpectedly arrived home early, she quickly hid her lover in the closet as well. Now, the boy was no longer alone.

Billy: “Dark in here.”

Man: (Startled) “Yeah, it is.”

Billy: “I’ve got a baseball. Want to buy it?”

Man: (Panicked) “Uh, no thanks.”

Billy: “Know what, pal? That’s my Dad outside.”

Man: (Panicking) “Uh, how much did you say the baseball was?”

Billy: “$250!”

A few weeks later, the duo found themselves back in the closet.

Billy: “Dark in here again.”

Man: (Groans) “Not this again.”

Billy: “I’ve got my baseball glove. Want to buy it?”

Man: “Nope.”

Billy: “Dude, I just remembered something I gotta tell my Dad.”

Man: (Desperation creeping in) “How much?”

Billy: “$750.”

Man: (Sighs) “Fine, fine.”

A few days later, Billy’s father, eager for some father-son bonding, said, “Grab your glove, let’s go toss the baseball around outside!”

Read the full list here.

This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.