My husband and I bought our granddaughter a wedding gift from her registry. She reached out and accused us of being cheap after getting the wedding present. Now, she is upset and threatens to cut us off because we didnโt give her the cash gift that we presented to each of our grandkids a day before their wedding.
Iโm in my 70s, a proud grandmother to five amazing grandkids: three women and two men. I adore my grandkids and often show up for them emotionally and financially. Whenever they have celebrations or hard times, they know that they can count on me.
The youngest of grandkids, Eloise, got married last October. My husband, who is also in his 70s, and I have a tradition for our grandkids. We buy a small gift from the wedding registry, usually the cheapest item, and then, the day before the wedding, we give them a check for $40,000.
We hope theyโll use it for a house, but itโs ultimately their choice. We also ask them to keep it a secret, considering our large family. Until now, everyone has respected this request.
This time, we sent an air fryer to our youngest granddaughter, the cheapest thing on her registry. Eloise called us, livid, accusing us of being cheap. I remember picking up her call and she didnโt even say hi, she just started ranting, โSeriously, Grandma? I just got your gift. An air fryer? Thatโs the cheapest thing you could find on my registry!โ
I was taken aback because as much as the air fryer was the cheapest on their registry, I still thought itโd be useful to them, so I told her that. Eloise kept on complaining, โUseful? Come on, you know you can do better than that. Everyone knows you have the money. I just canโt believe youโd be this cheap with me. Itโs embarrassing.โ
In this heated moment, I told her, โYes, youโre right. We are cheap, old, and useless. The only thing you DIDNโT know is that the day before the wedding, we were going to gift you a check for $40,000.โ
I revealed this in an attempt to explain to Eloise about the cash gift we usually give our grandkids before the wedding but she was so angry at this point, that she wasnโt listening to a thing I said. I speculated that maybe she didnโt believe we would gift her such an amount of money after only buying her an air fryer.
Eventually, she said, โNo, itโs clear. You just donโt love me enough to show it. You know how much pressure Iโm under with the wedding. And then, this? Itโs like you donโt even care,โ then she hung up.
Despite my husband and Iโs shock at Eloiseโs reaction, we then bought her a China set, hoping to appease her, but decided against giving her the $40,000, feeling she hadnโt earned it.
Fast forward to last week. Eloise talked to her brother and found out that we were telling her the truth about the money. After confirming it with her cousins, she, called again, accusing us of discrimination, โI just found out that itโs true you gave the money to everyone else when they got married. Why didnโt I get anything?โ
We stood firm, explaining our stance was due to her initial reaction, โWe felt after your reaction to the wedding gift, it wasnโt right to go ahead and gift you the money.โ Eloise pleaded trying to convince us otherwise, โSo, youโre punishing me? Is that it? Because I was upset about an air fryer?โ
I was angry that she didnโt even understand what she did wrong. โIt wasnโt about the air fryer, Eloise. It was how you spoke to us, the disrespect. Thatโs not something we expected or can support,โ I explained.
Eloise implored us, nearly in tears, โBut thatโs so unfair! I was stressed, Grandma. Planning a wedding is hard, and I just snapped. I didnโt mean any of it.โ I felt like she should have only apologized to us instead of finding excuses to justify her behavior.
However, I told her, โWe understand that itโs a stressful time, but actions and words have consequences. We hoped youโd understand the value of family and love over material things.โ Full of desperation, Eloise added, โBut you donโt understand! Canโt we just forget all this happened? I need that money, Grandma.โ
She pleaded, threatened to boycott Christmas, and accused us of cutting her off but we didnโt budge. In the end, I expressed, โWe love you very much. This has nothing to do with cutting you off. We just hope youโll reflect on this and understand why we made our decision.โ
Now, Eloise has followed up on her threat and sheโs boycotting Christmas. Her mother, who is our daughter-in-law, is siding with her, calling us unreasonable. However, we feel that after all we have done for Eloise, the air fryer gift, shouldnโt have triggered this reaction.
For context, we had already paid for her college, and her parents covered her graduate school and half the wedding. Additionally, she and her husband are financially comfortable and do not desperately need our money.
Weโre also not upset with our grandkids for revealing the cash gift since she is among the group of family members who are allowed to know about it. Our reason for sending the air fryer earlier was that we live far away, so we always send our gifts early.
The wedding gift is also separate from the money, which we give with the hope it will be used for something significant, like a home. Now, we feel like the action we took towards Eloise was well deserved and we are not going back on our decisions even if she and her mom threaten to do their worst.
Despite the tumultuous events and Eloiseโs refusal to understand our perspective, my husband and I stand by our decision. Love and respect in our family are paramount, and we hoped this situation would be a learning experience for her.
The holidays might be quieter this year with her familyโs absence, but our hope is for healing and understanding in the future. Our door and hearts remain open to Eloise, whenever sheโs ready to mend fences.
Want more like this? Click here to read about a grandmother who sparked controversy online because she doesnโt bring her grandchildren gifts when she visits.
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